Memo to all employees:
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T., please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and the management will do it's utmost to assure that you get all the S.H.I.T. that you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously, will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since your managers took S.H.I.T. before they became your bosses, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and constancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
